喵星人15种日常动作背后的真相

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原帖buzzfeed,翻译: @谷大白话


 

1. Quivering butt, ready to pounce:

抖动屁股,准备猛扑:

“Experts” say: Cats wiggle back and forth to position themselves for the perfect attack.

“专家”称:喵星人前后摇动是为摆好姿势来发动完美袭击。
The truth: Cats have satellite transmitters in their butts and must periodically recalibrate to receive transmissions from their home planet.

真相:喵星人的屁屁里装着卫星发射器,必须要定期调整位置来接收母星的信号。

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2. Rolling back and forth on the carpet:

在地毯上滚来滚去:

“Experts” say: Your cat is showing submission or inviting you to play.

“专家”称:你家的喵星人在表示顺从或邀请你一起玩。
The truth: Your cat ate some bad Thai food and is writhing in pain. Stop feeding it so much Pad See Ew.

真相:你家的喵星人吃了坏掉的泰国菜后痛苦地扭动。别再喂它那么多泰式炒粉。

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3. Making squinty eyes at you:

眯眼看你:

“Experts” say: Cats squint at you when they’re content. Slowly closing their eyes at you is a sign of trust.

“专家”称:喵星人满意时会眯眼看你。对着你慢慢闭上眼睛是信任的标志。
The truth: Your cat’s eyes are overly sensitive to the sun and it’s squinting because it wants a new pair of Ray-Ban Clubmasters. Get to shopping’.

真相:你家喵星人的眼睛对阳光过于敏感,它眯眼是因为想要一副新太阳镜。赶快去买。

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4. Raised butt in your face:

对着你的脸撅屁股:

“Experts” say: Tail sniffing is normal between felines, and this is your cat’s way of saying hello to you.

“专家”称:喵科动物之间互相嗅屁股是很常见的举动,这是喵星人跟你打招呼的方式。
The truth: Your cat just cleaned its butt and wants to show it off to you. Look at that sparkling clean butt and say, “Very nice butt, cat. Good job.”

真相:你家喵星人刚洗干净屁屁想要展现给你看。请看着那清洁溜溜的屁屁大声称赞:“非常漂亮的屁屁,小喵。干得好。”

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5. Sleeping in a perfect circle:

以完美的圆形姿势入睡:

“Experts” say: Sleeping in a circle conserves body heat.

“专家”称:圆形睡姿能保存体温。
The truth: Time is cyclical, and nobody understands this better than cats. When your cat sleeps in a circle, it’s a sign that this world is ending and giving way to a greater, more terrifying universe.

真相:时间是周而复始的,没人比喵星人更懂得这一点。当你家喵星人睡成圆形,这标志着世界即将毁灭,更牛逼更恐怖的宇宙即将降临。

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6. “Kneading” with its paws:

用爪子”捏来捏去”:

 

“Experts” say: As kittens, cats will knead their mother’s stomach to produce milk, and this is most likely a leftover trait from kittenhood. It might also be an instinctual part of settling down to sleep.

“专家”称:幼崽时的喵星人会捏妈妈的腹部来吃奶,这是幼年遗留下来的一种特性。也可能是准备要睡觉的本能动作。
The truth: Your cat saw an ad for baking classes in the local paper and wants to enroll. Write a check for $350 immediately.

真相:你家喵星人在当地报纸上看到烘焙课程的广告,想要去报名学习。赶快开张350美元的支票。

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7. Sitting in “cat loaf” formation:

坐成”喵面包”的姿势:

“Experts” say: Your cat tucks its paws underneath it because it feels content and safe, plus it keeps body heat from escaping.

“专家”称:你家喵星人把爪子收在身下是因为它感觉满意而安全,而且这样能防止体温散失。
The truth: Your cat is annoyed that you didn’t enroll it in baking classes and thinks the only way to get your attention is to pretend it’s an actual loaf of bread.

真相:你家喵星人很不爽你没让它报名烘焙课,它认为唯一能引起你注意的方式就是装成一条面包。

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8. One leg extended during bath time:

洗澡时举起一条腿:

“Experts” say: Your cat is raising its leg to more easily clean itself.

“专家”称:你家喵星人举腿是为了更方便自洁。
The truth: Forget baking classes, your cat wants to learn to play the cello now. It’s emulating the act of playing cello to get your attention. Write a check for $8,000 immediately.

真相:忘掉烘焙课的事吧,你家喵星人现在想学大提琴了。它在模仿拉大提琴的姿势来引起你的注意。赶快开一张8000块的支票。

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9. Showing its belly to you:

向你展示肚皮:

“Experts” say: An exposed belly is a sign of trust.

“专家”称:暴露的肚皮是信任的标志。
The truth: An exposed belly is a trap. Your cat knows you can’t resist snuggling its furry belly, at which point it will attack you and feast on your flesh. Beware.

真相:暴露的肚皮是个陷阱。你家喵星人知道你无法抗拒去抱紧它毛茸茸的肚皮,这时它就会攻击你并饱餐你的血肉。要小心。

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10. Staring off into space, wide-eyed:

遥望远处,双眼睁大:

“Experts” say: Cats have keen senses, and the smallest movement will catch their attention. They probably saw a bug or a speck of dust.

“专家”称:喵星人感觉灵敏,最小的动作都会引起它们的注意。他们可能是看见了一只小虫或一小粒尘埃。
The truth: Evil, skinless demons have crossed into this realm, and only your cat can see them. Run.

真相:邪恶恐怖,身上没皮的魔鬼穿越到此地,而只有喵星人能看到他们。快跑。

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11. Sleeping in boxes:

睡在盒子里:

“Experts” say: Cats are drawn to the confined space of a box because it offers security.

“专家”称:喵星人喜欢盒子的局限空间是因为这让它感到安全。
The truth: Your cat is having a quarter-life crisis and thinks a trip to Mozambique would offer some worldly perspective. Tape up the box, slap on some postage, and mail your kitty to Africa.

真相:你家喵星人正遭遇”1/4年”危机(人类有中年危机),想去莫桑比克去经受世俗观念的洗礼。请把盒子用胶布封好,贴上邮票,寄到非洲去。

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12. The “hug ‘n’ bite”:

连”抱”带”咬”:

“Experts” say: Wrestling and biting is a normal part of play for cats.

“专家”称:搏斗和撕咬是喵星人嬉戏的正常部分。
The truth: With its keen senses, your cat has noticed that the government-implanted tracker in your wrist is about to self-destruct and kill you. It must be removed immediately. Try to relax, your cat is attempting to save your life.

真相:通过极其敏锐的感觉,你家喵星人发现了政府植入你手腕中的追踪器,追踪器马上就要自爆来干掉你。它必须被立马移除。请放松,你家喵是在要救你的命。

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13. Chirping out the window at birds:

对着窗外的鸟儿唧唧叫:

“Experts” say: Chattering is a reflex motion in anticipation of hunting.

“专家”:唧唧叫唤是捕猎前的反射性运动。
The truth: Your cat is actually a bird and wants to hang out with other birds. How did you not realize you bought a bird instead of a cat? You dummy.

真相:你家的喵其实是小鸟,它想跟其他小鸟一起玩耍。你怎么会没发觉你买回家的不是喵而是鸟呢?你个白痴。

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14. Sitting on your computer when you need to work:

在你需要工作时坐在你的电脑上:

“Experts” say: Cats like warm places, and your laptop is warm.

“专家”称:喵星人喜欢暖和的地方,而你的笔记本电脑很暖和。
The truth: Your cat knows how many times a day you creepstalk your ex, and has decided it’s time for an intervention.

真相:你家喵星人知道你每天要追踪骚扰你的前任无数次,于是它决定来阻止你。

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15. Nowhere to be found, no matter how hard you look:

不论怎么努力找,就是找不到:

“Experts” say: Cats are good at hiding. Maybe he’s under your bed?

“专家”称:喵星人善于躲藏。也许他藏在你床下?
The truth: Cats are time travelers. Yours is probably in feudal China right now. Don’t worry, he’ll come home soon (maybe).

真相:喵星人是时间旅行者。你家喵可能穿越到封建时代的中国去了。别担心,他很快就会回来的(也许吧)。

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